Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
