Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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