three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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