How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
