I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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