Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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