I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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