So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
