it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In America we eat man semen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
