My friends, they love my intelligence
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Randomize
