I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
