I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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