sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
