I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
