I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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