I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
