was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
