i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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