My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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