i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
