using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
