oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
