you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
