You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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