Come see our sink grown plant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
