Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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