i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
