Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
