I will die if light touches me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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