Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
