I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
