I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
