Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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