So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
