Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
