i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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