It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
