Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize