No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
