I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
