I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
