I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize