So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
