I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
