Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We need to feng shui this bitch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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