I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
