i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
