i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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