dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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