apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
