I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
