you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He passed out mid-signature
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Panties = found
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