Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
