It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
