Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize