Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
