She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
