I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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