before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
