ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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