Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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