Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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