Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
