thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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