I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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