You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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