matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
