I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
