i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize