that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
