this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
how drunk are you?
Several
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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