Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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