i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
