i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this will be a night to untag.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize