well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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