there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's get the cat blown out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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