He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
