We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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