I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
