The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
