I hate all girls vehemently.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
