I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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