Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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