Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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