I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize