she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
