The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
