Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
