i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
