watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
