it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
