Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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