So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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