Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
