doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
