How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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