My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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