do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
