Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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