But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
