Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
