make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
