She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
