Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
