He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
