U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
