We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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