I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
