but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
