capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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