We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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